


The Princess Bride

by AndiKeegan



Category: Princess Bride (1987)
Genre: Alicia Glass as Buttercup, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Andoni Drosselmeyer as Westley, Anna Beast as The Grandmother, Character Death, Character Inserts, Dean Charming as Prince Humperdinck, Eden Galason as Miracle Max, Emery Hood as Fezzik, Evelynn Rabbit as The Mother, F/M, Fake Character Death, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Ja-Hye Song as Valarie, Mari Rattigan as Vizzini, Oberon as Count Rugen, Original Characters as Canon Characters, Quentin Rabbit as The Grandson, Robbie Goodfellow as Inigo Montoya
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-26
Updated: 2019-09-26
Packaged: 2020-10-28 16:09:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20781368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AndiKeegan/pseuds/AndiKeegan
Summary: Quentin has been at home, sick in bed, for most of the week. Friday afternoon arrives and he gets a visit from his grandmother, who's come to read him a story.----------------------------------------------Alicia has lived on her father's farm for her entire life, but five years after the death of her one true love, she finds herself engaged to Prince Dean, and just when her life could get worse, it does.





	1. Grandmother Visits

**Author's Note:**

> My first work on Archive! I hope you guys like it.
> 
> It follows the events of the movie, and includes jumps between the story and the boy and his grandmother.
> 
> The whole main cast has been switched out for original characters, my friends and I are very attached to the characters we made and they make good insert characters.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you guys like it!

The sound of coughs and the ambient noises of a sports video game filled the bedroom. The source of the coughing was a young boy, no older than ten, who was sitting in his bed playing said video game. His mother entered his room and walked over to the bed, feeling his forehead.

“Hi honey, you feeling any better?” She asked him as she sat down on the edge of his bed, he paused his game and looked over at her.

“A little,” he replied with a sigh, which was followed by a small coughing fit.

His mother hummed in acknowledgement and brushed his dark brown hair out of his face, “Guess what, your grandmother’s here.” This prompted the young boy to groan.

“Mom, can’t you tell her I’m sick?” He asked dropping the game controller into his lap.

“You’re sick?” The statement was also a question, “That’s why she’s here.” The boy groaned again.

“She’s gonna pinch my cheek,” he explained at his mother’s look, “I hate that.”

“Maybe she won’t.” His mother chuckled as his door swung open, revealing his grandmother, a woman of taller stature, with greying brown hair that was past her shoulders and tied up in a bun away from her face.

“Hey,” his grandmother greeted him, walking over to his bed and pinching his cheek, “how’s the sicky, hm?” The boy looked at his mother exasperated and she rolled her eyes with a smile.

“I think I’ll leave you, two pals, alone.” She told them, patting her son on the shoulder, and smiling at her mother-in-law before leaving the room.

“I brought you a special present Quentin.” She told her grandson, handing him a rectangular package, wrapped in gold coloured wrapping paper.

“What is it?” He asked taking the package and shaking it close to his ear, unable to hear if there was something loose inside. His grandmother gestured at it and smiled.

“Well, open it up.” She told him and watched as he tore open the wrapping paper. He looked a bit dumbfounded, and then looked up at his grandmother.

“A book?” he asked her.

“That’s right,” she said a bit triumphantly, taking the book from him and sitting down in a chair by the bed, “When I was your age, television was called books.” She gestured at him with it, “And this is a special book.” She informed him matter-of-factly, “It was the book my father would read to me when I was sick, and I used to read it to your father.” She let out a puff of air and leaned back a bit, getting more comfortable in her seat, “ And today, I’m gonna read it to you.”

“Does it got any sports in it?” Quentin asked, and his grandmother scoffed.

“Are you kidding?” She asked, leaning forward again, gesturing vaguely with the book as she continued, “Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, True Love, miracles…”

He took a moment to think about his grandmother’s words, “Doesn’t sound too bad,” he decided, turning off his game “I’ll try and stay awake.”

His grandmother chuckled, “Oh, Well thank you very much.” She shifted in the chair and flipped the book open, “Your vote of confidence overwhelming. Alright.” She cleared her throat and began to read.

“The Princess Bride, by S. Morgenstern, Chapter One. Alicia was raised on a small farm in the country of Florin. She was a very beautiful young woman, with fair skin and soft blonde hair, her light brown eyes were cheerful and bright. Her favorite pastimes were riding her horse and tormenting the farm boy that worked on her father’s land. His name was Andi, but she never called him that.” Quentin’s grandmother paused and looked up at him, she smiled and asked, “Isn't that a wonderful beginning?”

“Yeah,” Quentin replied with only the tiniest bit of sarcasm, nodding his head, “It’s really good.”


	2. Andi and Alicia

Alicia far from disliked Andi, in fact, she very much wished to be better acquainted with the farm boy, but there was something about him that both intrigued and infuriated Alicia to no end, and it was because of this that nothing gave her as much pleasure as ordering Andi around.

The young woman had just finished her daily ride and was returning to the stables, she spotted Andi’s short and wild dark brown hair in the next stall over as she dismounted her horse, stroking the cream coloured animal’s mane gently. She looked across the stall.

“Farmboy,” Alicia stated a bit bluntly. Andi straightened and looked to her, the farm boy’s stormy grey eyes gazing at her in the way that made Alicia so determined. “Polish my horse's saddle. I want to see my face shining in it by morning.” She ordered, awaiting an answer. Andi’s gaze never wavered as he answered quietly:

“As you wish.”

As you wish was all he ever said to her. This is what Alicia was so interested in, she was determined to get some kind of reaction from the tan-skinned farmhand, however she could. The harvest season would soon be ending and Alicia’s father asked her to bring in water from the well. Alicia was halfway there when she spotted Andi chopping firewood for that night, she approached the farm boy and sat the buckets at his feet.

“Farmboy,” she said as Andi looked from the buckets to the young woman in front of him, “fill these with water,” Andi’s stormy eyes met Alicia’s light brown ones and she felt her heart beat a tiny bit faster. Andi could clearly see that the other was trying to say something else and waited, and after a moment she spoke again, almost a whisper, “...please.” Andi blinked as if he was mildly surprised at Alicia’s sudden politeness.

“As you wish” he nonetheless replied, maintaining eye contact, a small smile on his face, before he set the axe down and picked up the buckets. Alicia watched him leave, mouth open in shock. That day she was amazed to discover that when Andi was saying 'As you wish', what he meant was, 'I love you.' And even more amazing was the day she realized she truly loved him back.

The chill of winter set in later that week and Alicia’s father had gone off to town to gather supplies for the coming months. Alicia herself was busy preparing dough for a loaf of bread when Andi came in with firewood. He must not have noticed Alicia when he came through the doorway because when he turned and found her in the room, that same smile from a few days ago graced his face, making the pale girl’s heart flutter once again.

Alicia pretended she didn’t know the farm boy was there and returned her focus to the dough in front of her. Andi seemed to wilt a bit when his presence was ignored which made Alicia’s heart squeeze painfully in her chest. Andi’s footsteps signaled that he was leaving and Alicia whipped around.

“Farmboy,” she called, just before Andi stepped out the doorway, the brunet turned to face her and she quickly realized that she had nothing to ask of Andi. Those stormy eyes watched her as she searched for something, _ anything_. Finally, she glanced up and pointed to a pitcher hanging embarrassingly in reach. “...fetch me that pitcher.”

Andi slowly approached her and not taking his eyes off Alicia’s, reached up, pulled the pitcher off its hook, brought it down and handed it to her.

“As you wish” he whispered, a smile growing on Alicia’s face as she placed the pitcher to the side. Andi didn’t move away, and the pair stood together in silence for many moments before Alicia felt the other’s hands on her waist, Andi leaned in and gently pressed their lips together.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Hold it, hold it!” The young boy interrupted, “what is this? Are you tryin’ to trick me?” he crossed his arms, “Where’s the sports?” when a quick answer didn’t come he continued a bit gravely, “Is this a kissing book?”

His grandmother raised her eyebrows, “wait,” she told him, “just wait.”

“Well, when does it get good?”

“Keep your shirt on, let me read.” she ran her finger down the page, scanning it for where she had been reading. “Andi had no money for marriage, so he packed his few belongings and left the farm to seek his fortune across the sea. It was a very emotional time for Alicia”

“I don’t believe this” her grandson groaned.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alicia wrapped her arms around Andi and held him tightly, “I fear I’ll never see you again” she said, and Andi pulled away to look at her.

“Of course you will,” he assured, running his thumb across the back of Alicia’s hand in a calming way.

“But what if something happens to you?” she asked, her voice laced with worry and panic. Andi cupped her cheek gently and she leaned into the touch.

“Hear this now: I will always come for you.”

“But, how can you be sure?”

Andi smiled and pulled her a bit closer, “This is True Love. You think this happens every day?” They embraced each other one last time and kissed each other goodbye before Andi picked up the bag of supplies and slung it over his shoulder. Alicia watched as the man she loved walked away from her, praying for his safe return.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Andi didn't reach his destination. His ship was attacked by the dread pirate Roberts, who never left captives alive. When Alicia got the news that Andi was murdered,--"

“Murdered by pirates is good.” 

“--She went into her room and shut the door, and for days she neither slept nor ate. And the only words she said before days of silence were ‘I will never love again’."


	3. Eel Infested Waters

"Five years later, the main square of Florin City was filled as never before to hear the announcement of the great Prince Dean’s bride-to-be." His grandmother continued.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The prince stood on a large balcony, dressed in an elegant maroon and black royal suite that suited his skin tone. Beside him stood a dark-haired man dressed in dark blue, and behind him stood the king and queen. The prince addressed the crowd.

“My people! A month from now, our country will have its 500th anniversary. On that sundown, I shall marry a lady who was once a commoner like yourselves. But perhaps you will not find her common now. Would you like to meet her?” The crowd cheered and clapped, signaling their approval. “My people, the Princess Alicia!”

Alicia walked out across a velvet carpet that had been laid out and surrounded by flowers as a trumpeting fanfare played. She was dressed in a fine peach dress and wore a silver crown, she looked out at the commoners around her, all of whom were kneeling in her honour, and she felt the bile rise in her throat.

Alicia’s emptiness consumed her. For although the law of the land gave Dean the right to choose his bride, she did not love him. Despite Dean’s reassurances that she would grow to love him, the only joy she found was in her daily ride.

Her cream coloured horse galloped away from the castle and the city walls. After a while, as she traveled through the woods along a cleared path, Alicia spotted three individuals standing at the edge of the path. She slowed her horse to a stop and the closest of the three, a short and mousy woman, with brown hair and bloodshot eyes, approached.

“A word, my lady.” she spoke, her voice scratchy and a bit irritating, “We are but poor, lost circus performers. Is there a village nearby?”

“There is nothing nearby...not for miles,” Alicia told her, feeling uneasy as the most muscled of the three, a heavy-set brunette, began moving closer.

“Then there will be no one to hear you scream.” The mousy woman replied, a sinister smirk decorating her face. The large brunette now stood right next to Alicia’s horse. She tried to call for help, but the large man grabbed her, hitting a pressure point and knocking her unconscious.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When she opened her eyes again she was on a boat, her lightweight purple riding dress was a bit disheveled and her head was a bit sore, but she was otherwise unharmed. Two of her three kidnappers were on the boat with her, while the third, the mousy one, stood by her horse.

“What is that you’re ripping?” the third kidnapper, a dark-skinned woman with a sword strapped to her belt, asked.

“It's fabric from the uniform of an army officer of Gilder.” Came the irritated reply as the mousy woman continued to tear at the fabric.

“Who’s Gilder?” the large brunette chimed in, as he worked with the rigging of the sail.

“The country across the sea, the sworn enemy of Florin.” The mousy woman seemed to always sound irritated. When she seemed satisfied with her work she spooked Alicia’s horse, causing it to run back in the direction of Florin City, then joined the others on the boat. “Once the horse reaches the castle, the fabric will make the prince suspect the Gilderians have abducted his love. And when he finds her body dead on the Gilder frontier, his suspicions will be totally confirmed.”

The large brunette froze and looked at her, “You never said anything about killing anyone.” Concerned laced his voice.

“I've hired you to help me start a war.” She explained, “It's a prestigious line of work, with a long and glorious tradition.”

The brunette resumed fiddling with the rigging, “I just don't think it's right, killing an innocent girl.” he said, which clearly didn’t sit well with the mousy woman.

“Am I going mad, or did the word "THINK" escape your lips?” she snapped, pointing a finger at the larger man, “You Were Not Hired For Your Brains You Hippopotamic Land Mass!”

“I agree with Emery” The dark-skinned swordswoman chimed in, hopping onto the boat, after pushing it away from the water’s edge.

“OH! The Sot Has Spoken!” The mousy woman continued, advancing on the swordswoman, “What happens to her is not truly your concern. _ I _ Will Kill Her. And Remember This,” she was directly in the swordswoman’s face, “_Never Forget This_: When I Found You, You Were So _ Slobbering Drunk_, You _Couldn’t Buy Brandy_!” She then turned back to the brunette, “And You! _Friendless, Brainless, Helpless, Hopeless_! Do You Want Me To Send You Back To Where You Were?? _Unemployed_, In _ Greenland_!!!”

She stormed to the other side of the boat, to where Alicia was sitting, leaving the other two alone. The swordswoman approached the giant and leaned towards him.

“That Mari, she can fuss,” she said slowly, sending a small smile onto the brunette’s face.

“Fuss, fuss…” the giant, Emery, thought for a moment, “I think she like to scream... at us.”

“Probably she means no harm.”

“She's really very short on… charm.”

The swordswoman chuckled, “oh, you have a great gift for rhyme.” she told Emery, patting his arm, the giant chuckled as well.

“Yes, yes, some of the time.” the pair smirked at each other and continued to work with the boat’s rigging.

“Enough of that!” Mari called from the front, clearly irritated with the other two. A larger smirk pulled at the swordswoman’s lips.

“Emery, are there rocks ahead?” she asked quickly

“If there are, we’ll all be dead!” Emery rhymed cheerfully.

“No more rhymes now, I mean it!”

“Anybody want a peanut?”

Mari let out a frustrated cry and there was a thud, as in her frustration, the woman kicked the side of the boat.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Night had fallen, and the boat had reached open water, all was quiet. While Emery and Mari seemed perfectly at ease, the dark-skinned swordswoman, who was manning the tiller, kept glancing behind them.

“We’ll reach the cliffs by dawn” Mari informed them as she sat back down and looked to the swordswoman, “Why are you doing that?”

“Are you sure nobody’s following us?” She asked, turning to face her boss.

“That would be inconceivable.” came the reply as Mari leaned back and looked away. Alicia, who had been rather quiet the whole trip finally spoke up.

“Despite what you think, you will be caught.” She gazed at Mari coldly, “And when you are, the prince will see you all hanged”

Her words seemed to amuse Mari, who smirked at the princess, “Of all the necks on this boat, Highness, the one you should be worrying about is your own.” This was enough to silence her, at least for the time being, and Mari leaned back against the edge of the boat.

The swordswoman once again looked over her shoulder and Mari took notice, “Stop doing that!” she scolded “We can all relax, it's almost over.”

“You are sure nobody's following us?”

Mari gestured a bit wildly as she otherwise calmly explained, “As I told you, it would be absolutely, totally, and in all other ways, inconceivable. No one in Gilder knows what we've done, and no one in Florin could’ve gotten here so fast.” Her head popped up from its resting place and she suddenly looked the tiniest bit worried, “Out of curiosity, why do you ask?”

“No reason.” the swordswoman shrugged, “Suddenly, I just happened to look behind us, and something is there.”

Mari and Emery leapt to their feet and Mari joined the swordswoman by the tiller. Far enough away that it was rather difficult to notice was a second boat, Mari seemed a bit shaken.

“Probably some local fisherman out for a pleasure cruise at night…through eel-infested waters.” she tried to make some other justification as to why the second boat would be out in the middle of the night, and the swordswoman was about to speak when a splash startled the three kidnappers.

Alicia, seeing an opportunity, had jumped into the water and began swimming away from the boat.

“Wha-wh-Go in! Get after her!” Mari exclaimed, but the other two informed her that neither of them were in any sense of the word, good swimmers and she once again grew frustrated. “Veer Left!” she ordered, and the pair scrambled to turn the boat in the princess’s direction, while Mari continued to bark the order.

An eerie shriek echoed and Alicia looked around for the source, eyes wide with panic, Mari leaned against the side of the boat, looking at her. “Do You Know What That Sound Is, Highness?” she asked in a taunting manner, “Those Are The Shrieking Eels. If You Don’t Believe Me Just Wait! They Always Grow Louder When They’re About To Feed On Human Flesh.”

Alicia cried out in terror as a rather large creature swam dangerously close to her, the eerie shriek louder than before. Mari continued to speak, “If You Swim Back Now, I Promise, No Harm Will Come To You. I Doubt You’ll Get Such An Offer From The Eels.” The man’s smirk only worsened the princess’s fear.

The terrible shrieks grew louder once more, and Alicia spun around, her heart beating at speeds she didn’t think possible. The large creature was charging forward through the water, it’s mouth open, exposing several rows of incredibly sharp teeth, it drew closer and closer, and Alicia closed her eyes in preparation for what was about to come.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She stopped reading and looked at her grandson, “She doesn't get eaten by the eels at this time.”

“What?” he asked, his grandmother smiled a bit at his confusion.

“The eel doesn't get her. Now, I'm explaining to you because you look nervous.” She told him, seeing him sigh softly with relief.

“I wasn't nervous.” He denied, and his grandmother gave him the ‘are you sure?’ look, the boy scratched the back of his neck, “Well, maybe I was a little bit _ concerned_, but that's not the same thing.”

“Because we can stop if you want,” she said, starting to close the book.

“No, you could read a little bit more, if you want.”

“Alright,” his grandmother replied, opening the book again, “Do you know what that sound is, Highness? Those are the shrieking eels.”

“We passed that Grandma, you read it already.”

She paused and read the page silently for a moment, “Oh, oh my goodness I did, I’m sorry” she ran her finger down the page, scanning it, “ Beg your pardon. All right, all right. Let's see. She was in the water, the eel was comin' after her, she was frightened, the eel started to charge her, and then-”

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A large hand came down on the eel’s head, disorienting it, and Alicia was then lifted, coughing and sputtering, back into the boat.

“Put her down.” Mari ordered Emery, “just put her down.” 

The swordswoman spoke up again, gesturing to the other boat. “I think he’s getting closer,” she informed her boss, who waved her off.

“He’s No Concern Of Ours, Sail On!” Mari ordered before turning to sneer at Alicia as she bound her hands with rope, “I suppose you think you're brave, don’t you?” she asked.

Alicia gave her a cold glare, trying to seem unfazed as she sat there, dripping wet and a bit shaken. “Only compared to some,” she said.


	4. The Cliffs of Insanity

Dawn arrived as the boat drew closer to an immensely tall cliffside. The swordswoman once again looked behind them.

“Look! He’s right on top of us!” She informed Mari, “I wonder if he’s using the same wind we are using?”

“Whoever he is, he’s too late,” Mari replied, pointing to the approaching landmass, “Look. The Cliffs of Insanity!” She began to order the other two around, “Move The Thing!” she barked, “And-That Other Thing! Move It!”

The four quickly exited the boat, climbing onto a small pier and moving to a rope hanging down from the top of the cliffs. Emery put on the harness that was laying there, specially built so he could carry up to three people up the cliffside.

“We're safe,” Mari informed the others as the swordswoman pulled one of the harnesses straps over Alicia’s head and secured the princess there, before moving to secure herself. “Only Emery is strong enough to go up our way.” Mari gestured to the approaching boat. “_He'll _have to sail around for hours till he finds a harbor.”

Emery began to climb up the rope, carrying the other three, it was rather fast climbing, considering the conditions, but Mari seemed never to be satisfied. They had reached a third of the way up the cliffside when the mysterious pursuer made it to the pier. With barely a thought, he began to climb up the rope after them.

The swordswoman took notice of this, “He’s climbing the rope.” she said in awe, “And he’s gaining on us.”

“Inconceivable!” Mari exclaimed, watching the pursuer, she then turned her head to look at Emery, “Faster!” she ordered.

“I thought I _was _going faster!” Emery protested, straining to speak as he climbed.

“You Were Supposed To Be This Colossus, You Were This Great Legendary Thing, And Yet He Gains!”

“Well, I’m carrying three people, and he’s only got himself.”

“I Do Not Accept Excuses!” Mari hollered, “I Guess I'm Just Going To Have To Find Myself A New Giant, That’s All.”

“Don’t say that Mari, _Please _.”

Emery continued to climb, and was two thirds up the cliffside when Mari hollered at him once more, “Did I Make It Clear That Your Job Is At Stake!?” Emery continued to climb, swiftly moving closer to the top of the cliffs.

When they reached the top, the swordswoman climbed out of the harness and onto solid ground. She came around and almost jumped over the rope, reaching down and pulling Alicia up. She almost dragged the princess, who was trembling with terror from the treacherous climb, over to a crumbling staircase, and gently sat her down, before moving back to the edge to help Mari up out of the harness.

Mari ran to the rock that secured the rope to the top of the cliff and pulled out her knife, beginning to cut away at the rope. Emery and the swordswoman peered over the edge at their pursuer, a man clad in all black, who was still steadily ascending the rope.

“He’s still coming, Mari” the swordswoman informed her boss, “He’ll be on us soon if we don’t do something.”

“And what, do you think, I’m just sitting here twiddling my thumbs?!” the Sicilian woman grumbled as she continued to whittle away at the rope. There was a sudden snap from behind as the rope that held the man-in-black broke. It slithered past the swordswoman and over the edge of the cliff, leaving only a faint drag mark in the dirt as a reminder of what had transpired. When they didn’t hear the great thump of a falling body hitting the rocks below or the signature splash of someone falling into the sea, Mari scrambled to her feet, putting away her knife and waving for the pair to look over the edge and report the situation.

The swordswoman and Emery, who had walked over and grabbed the princess while Mari worked on the rope, carefully inched towards the drop, mindful of how close they were to it, and peered down to see what remained of the man in black. They were surprised to find that there wasn’t a black-clad devil laying in a pool of blood at the cliff face, or a wet spot where the splash from his plummet into the water had come upon the shore. 

Instead, the man-in-black clung for dear life onto the cliff face like some feral thing, his face tilted down as the swordswoman watched his body heave with the jolt of almost dying. Suddenly the man’s face tilted upward, and the swordswoman caught a glimpse of stormy grey eyes, that burned with a tenacity that she had long since forgotten could exist in any mortal man’s gaze. Maybe they _were _dealing with a devil, coming after them for their sins.

“He has very good arms,” Emery noted at the swordswoman’s left hand. The giant could feel the princess shaking in his grasp at being so close to the drop-off and she didn’t dare to peer down at the events transpiring below. 

Emery’s words caught Mari’s attention, and the older woman came over to join the rest of the group, looking over the edge herself, her face going almost purple with shock. “He Didn’t Fall?” Mari exclaimed, “Inconceivable!”

The swordswoman looked at her a bit exasperated, “You keep using that word.” She informed the older woman, “I do not think it means what you think it means.” Mari looked rather upset and was most likely tell the swordswoman off, but they heard a noise below them and returned their gaze to the man-in-black, where much to their surprise, had actually started to pull himself up using small handholds in the cliffside.

“My God!” The swordswoman breathed out in awe, “He's climbing!” Mari looked less than pleased, at both her hired hand’s tone and the man-in-black’s determination. They continued to watch as the man slowly gained ground. A hand shakily grasping at a jutted out boulder, a foot scraping at the rock face until it found a good place to rest. It was no way as fast as climbing the rope as he had been before, but the man-in-black was making somewhat steady progress to their location at the ruins at the top of the cliffs.

They stayed this way for a few moments longer before Mari let out a gruff noise of disapproval. “Whoever he is,” she voiced loudly to mainly herself, “he's obviously seen us with the princess and must therefore die.”

She jabbed a finger at Emery who watched her with an almost tired look until Mari spoke again, gesturing vaguely to the still trembling princess situated firmly in the large man’s grip. “You, carry her.” 

Mari then turned on the swordswoman, who watched as the man-in-black gained another foothold and moved to further pull himself up “We'll head straight for the Gilder frontier.” she informed the younger woman, “Catch up when he's dead. If he falls, fine. If not, the sword.”

This was one of the reasons the young woman had agreed to work for Mari, not only to escape the drunken stupor she’d put herself in while wallowing in her own guilt but to really test herself against worthy opponents. She previously had been let down at the ease of her more recent victories, but something about the approach of their current pursuer gave her a good feeling. “I'm going to duel him left-handed.” she declared.

“You know what a hurry we’re in!” Mari groaned, utterly unenthused and thoroughly annoyed, staring daggers into the young woman.

The swordswoman shrugged, turning away from the cliff to cross her arms and glare at her employer. “It is the only way I can be satisfied.” She told her, “If I use my right,” she shook her head at the thought, letting out a disapproving sigh, “-over too quickly.”

Mari rolled her eyes and waved her hands in exasperation at the request, but saw no point in arguing about it any longer. They had to move quickly. “Oh have it your way.”

Emery peered one last time over the edge of the cliffs to watch the man gain purchase on a handhold higher up on the cliff, before stepping closer to his friend and muttering gravely, “You be careful. People in masks cannot be trusted.”

The swordswoman nodded and patted Emery on the back in a reassuring manner. “Don’t worry my friend, I’ll meet up with you as soon as I’m finished here.”

“I’m waiting!” Mari called impatiently. She had walked all the way to the crumbling entrance of the ruins before realizing that she was walking alone. Emery nodded and pushed the fair-skinned princess ahead of him as they scurried after the impatient Sicilian and left the crumbling ruins of the castle.

The swordswoman paused only to watch them go, before returning to her watch of the man-in-black. After a few minutes, she became impatient at the man’s slow progress towards his death and backed away, buzzing with untapped energy that made her wish they had never cut the rope in the first place.

She drew her sword from its scabbard, a perfectly balanced and expertly made rapier that was far more precious than anything the woman would ever own in the course of her life. She practiced her parry, balestra, coulé, and riposte before she grew tired of that

again. When she could see no other way to occupy her time, the swordswoman returned to the cliff. 

The man had made decent progress, coming three feet closer to the top of the cliff in the time that he had been forced to start free climbing. Still, his progress was too slow for the swordswoman who let out a sharp huff before hollering down at her opponent. “Hello there!”

The man-in-black flinched for a moment at the sudden sound but managed a gruff grunt in response, his head tilted down to stare at the rock face as he paused in his climbing. The young woman took his pause as a gesture that she could continue speaking to him. “Slow going?” 

“Look,” the man finally called back, his accent crisp and clean like a well-educated nobleman. “I don’t mean to be rude, but this is not as easy as it looks. So I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t distract me.” 

“Sorry”

“Thank you,” the man called back tersely, before continuing his perilous climb. 

The swordswoman backed away, unsheathing her weapon for a few well-placed lunges and thrusts of the blade before she grew weary of that as well. She groaned before resheathing her sword and turning towards the cliff again to call down. “I don’t suppose you could speed things up?” 

“If you’re in _ such _ a hurry,” the man growled impatiently, “you _ could _ lower a rope, or a tree branch, or find something _ useful _ to do.” 

Unscathed by his venomous tone, the swordswoman suddenly lit up with a solution to both of their problems. “I could do that.” She informed the man-in-black, “I’ve still got some rope up here, but I do not think you would accept my help since I am only waiting around to kill you.” 

The man-in-black paused, craning his head to look at the woman above him with those same penetrating stormy eyes. The swordswoman above could have sworn she saw the start of a coy smile tug at the corners of the man’s lips as he replied. “That does put a damper on our relationship.” 

“But,” the swordswoman called “I promise I will not kill you until you reach the top.”

“That’s very comforting. But I’m afraid you’ll just have to wait,” the man replied in a strained voice before continuing to climb. 

“I hate waiting,” She grumbled, turning to pace once more in the dirt of the ruins before another idea came to mind. She rushed to the edge and called out over, “Could I give you my word as a swordswoman?”

“No good,” The man strained to say as he lost one handhold before finding another. “I’ve known too many swordswomen.” 

“Is there not any way you'll trust me?” 

“Nothing comes to mind,” The man-in-black called back. 

The woman pondered this for a moment before letting out a deep breath. She crouched low on the cliff, her hands resting on her knees as she made eye contact with this perfect stranger. She forced every ounce of truth she had left into her words as she vowed, “I swear, on the soul of my father, Robin Goodfellow, you will reach the top alive.”

The man-in-black seemed to consider this for a moment, never breaking eye contact with the woman above him as he measured the truth of her words carefully. Deeming that the swordswoman seemed to be genuine, he let out a clipped reply. “Throw me the rope.” 

The swordswoman grinned with delight as she scurried back to the rock where the rest of the rope remained fastened. She unraveled a nice length of the rope from around the rock and quickly tossed the end down to where the man-in-black clung for dear life. There was a distinct tug at the end, meaning the man-in-black had finally grabbed hold. The swordswoman grunted, sliding forward some at the sudden increase in weight before slowly aiding him in his ascent towards the top of the cliff. She could feel her limbs burning and the distinct grunts of the man-in-black as he too strained to gain purchase on the rock face. They kept a steady pace, the woman pulling while the man-in-black also climbed, and eventually she could make out the black scarfed head of her future opponent. There was a heavy grunt as the man finally pulled the upper half of his battered body onto the cliff’s surface before they both collapsed to catch their breath.

“Thank you” The man-in-black eventually said, having pulled himself into a sitting position against a crumbling wall. He was tired, that much the swordswoman could guess, but from the way, he studied her the man-in-black was no pushover and was already on guard.

The swordswoman watched him reach for the sword he had sheathed at his side, the gesture reminding her of what she was there to do in the first place. She waved her hand in the man’s general direction. “W-w-w-w-we’ll wait until you’re ready.”

Exhaustion filled his storm grey eyes as the man-in-black’s head leaned back to rest against the crumbling wall. “Again, thank you.”

The young swordswoman nodded in reply, and sat down across from the man-in-black, taking a moment to look her opponent over.

He was clad in, well, all black. From his black leathered boots and tunic shirt to the headscarf he wore to cover not only the top of his head but the top of his face as well. All that was exposed was the lower half of his face, making him not only a hard read but someone who wasn’t to be trusted just like Emery had suggested. Anyone with that much to hide had to have more skeletons in the closet than the young woman could care to take a guess at.

“I do not mean to pry,” She suddenly spoke catching the man off guard some, his eyes suddenly flicking back to watch the swordswoman cautiously, “but you don't by any chance happen to have six fingers on your right hand?”

The man-in-black considered this for a moment, clearly perplexed by such an odd question, before a small grin cut into his features, “Do you always begin conversations this way?” the man-in-black asked, pulling off his boot and dumping a small amount of dirt and pebbles out that must have invaded the space during the end of the climb.

The man’s tone was coy, but also curious and the swordswoman for some reason didn’t have the heart to just play it off as she might have with any other stranger. This man was intriguing and easy to talk to despite their current predicament, and somehow she found herself explaining her motives.

“My father was slaughtered by a six-fingered man,” The swordswoman responded, trying to suppress the way her throat always seemed to start to close up whenever she mentioned her departed parent. “Was a great sword-maker, my father. When the six-fingered man appeared and requested a special sword, my father took the job.” She pulled her sword from its sheath, stood, and allowed the man-in-black to inspect it. “He slaved a year before it was done.”

She watched the weak sun shimmer and bounce off of the blade and the intricate hilt design her father had so delicately crafted during that year of tiring work. The man-in-black lean forward, enamored by the weapon as much as she had been when she first saw it all those years ago, and gently took the weapon.

“I’ve never seen its equal.” The man-in-black told her, before just as gently handing the blade back to its owner.

The young woman’s gentle features contorted into a painful smile as she returned the sword to its hold. “The six-fingered man returned and _demanded_ it, but at one-tenth his promised price. My father refused.” she pushed hair away from her face and sighed “Without a word, the six-fingered man slashed him through the heart.” The smile ached more and more and it was very apparent to the man-in-black, “I loved my father,” the woman continued, “so naturally I challenged his murderer to a duel ...I failed. The six-fingered man left me alive. But he gave me these.” She pushed her hair away to show the man in black two scars, a straight line across each cheek.

The man-in-black’s eyes were soft, almost pitying despite having only known the swordswoman for about half an hour. He pulled his boot up the rest of the way before resting his hands on his knees, leaning forward off the crumbling wall to give her his full attention. “How old were you?” His voice was quiet as if he were afraid that the swordswoman could break if he spoke any louder.

“I was eleven years old,” she admitted. “When I was strong enough, I dedicated my life to the study of fencing, so the next time we meet, I will not fail” she opened his eyes, a fire seemed to ignite in them, as if it was the very day she promised to hunt down her father’s killer, “I will go up to the six-fingered man and say, ‘Hello. My name is Robbie Goodfellow. You killed my father. Prepare to die.’”

The man-in-black seemed to consider this, his head tipping to the side like a cat might consider a mouse before snapping at it. “You've done nothing but study swordplay?” he asked, turning to look at the other curiously.

The swordswoman, Robbie, rubbed her neck sheepishly, dropping her gaze to where the toe of her boot scraped nonsensical lines in the dirt. “More a pursuit than a study, lately.” she replied, taking a seat next to her opponent, “You see, I cannot find him. It has been twenty years now and I’m starting to lose confidence. I just work for Mari to pay the bills. There’s not a lot of money in revenge.”

The man-in-black chuckled, a low sound that seemed to echo against the rocks around them. “Well, I-” he rose to his feet, sighing, and shaking out his shoulders as if he were shaking off the cobwebs he hadn’t even collected while sitting there. “I certainly hope you find him someday.”

Robbie could feel the itch for combat start to settle into her bones as the man-in-black started to circle her. “You are ready, then?”

The man chuckled again as if a duel to the death were a normal occurrence for him. “Whether I am or not, you've been more than fair.” 

Robbie nodded, unsheathing her sword as they squared off against one another. “You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you.” 

The man-in-black bowed, a simple gesture of respect to the other before he drew his sword, a well-crafted blade that was only a rung below the caliber of Robbie’s own. “_ You _seem a decent fellow. I hate to die.”

They stood a good twenty feet away from each other, blades drawn, and the world seemed to hold its breath, waiting in heavy anticipation for the outcome of what was to happen between the two warriors atop the cliff. 

“Begin!” Robbie said with a gentle flourish of her right hand before they started their game of cat and mouse. 

The man-in-black’s wrist twitched, a small gesture that managed to send his sword in a wide arc, a well-placed blow had it not been for Robbie’s block. Their teasing continued like that, either one of them testing the other with small feints and parries, acting as if they were two young apprentices who happened upon their masters' blades rather than well-trained masters in their own accord. The man-in-black smiled coyly, clearly enjoying himself, and against her will, Robbie couldn’t help but find herself doing the same.

Their boots left slides in the dirt, like twin snakes dancing in a well-rehearsed routine, their blows becoming more and more heated as the distance closed between them. The echoes of their blades crossing one another ricocheted off the ruin walls like cannon fire. Robbie grinned, the muscles in her left arm tensing at strained use, but she was having the time of her life for the first time in a while. She pressed the man-in-black up an incline, sending him into retreat as Robbie advanced. 

“You’re using Bonetti’s defense against me, eh?” Robbie huffed, unable to keep how thrilled she was from her tone despite the hazardous situation. 

“I thought it fitting, considering the rocky terrain.” the man-in-black replied as he parried another blow from the swordswoman’s blade.

“Naturally, you must expect me to attack with Capo Ferro,” She retorted, shifting her stance and blade work to mimic the technique that was ground into her bones. 

The man-in-black faltered momentarily, almost straining to keep up with the sudden change in attack. “Naturally,” he grunted before he also changed the style, forcing Robbie away from him with a swish of his sword. “But I find Thibault cancels out Capo Ferro, don’t you?”

His cockiness was refreshing, especially giving the stakes they were playing for, but as they had been swatting at one another, the man-in-black had been backed into a corner on one of the rises that dotted the ruins. He considered the fall behind him, and the sword before him before giving an easy shrug to his fate and jumping off of the somewhat steep hight with the nimbleness of a cat. Robbie had no choice but to react, moving to stand precariously on the edge of the same rise. “Unless the enemy has studied her Agrippa-“ Robbie turned and flew from the rise agilely, flipping and landing just beyond where the man-in-black was standing. “-which I have.”

With that, the two flew at one another once more, a blur more than anything else as they moved across the rocky terrain. Neither lost balance, neither had a misplaced stroke or block as they tried their best to kill the other fighter. It was clear to Robbie that she was dealing with no amateur, the prospect of which seemed to thrill as well as scare her. “You’re wonderful!” 

The man-in-black grinned, clearly as amused as Robbie was at their battle so far, as he backed the dark-skinned woman towards the edge of the Cliffs of Insanity. “Thank you. I've worked hard to become so.” 

Their blades crossed, both pressing against the other as Robbie tried to keep herself from plunging to her death. “I admit it,” she grunted, glancing over the edge briefly. “you are better than I am.” 

The man-in-black’s head tilted to the side the tiniest bit “Then why are you smiling?” He asked, his interest piqued.

He was right, despite the odds against her at that moment, Robbie couldn’t help but grin at her current predicament. The secret she was harboring against his opponent was enough to make anyone grin. “Because I know something that you don’t know.”

“And what is that?” The man-in-black grunted. 

“I am not left-handed,” She smirked kicking out one foot to push her opponent back. The man-in-black stumbled, allowing her to switch hands so that she could resume the fight with renewed vigor. The man-in-black was stunned, that much Robbie could read, and even his abnormal strength couldn’t get her backed against the cliff’s edge. His efforts were fruitless, and slowly, the man-in-black began to retreat from his blade. Robbie chased him across the ruins, eventually backing him against a stairway that had long come down, its second-floor landing now leading to empty space. The man-in-black was desperate now to gain any kind of purchase, feinting and thrusting in vain against Robbie’s pursuit. He tried one or two final desperate moves, but they too failed. 

“You’re amazing!” The man-in-black called gleefully into the morning air, still smiling despite his predicament. 

“I ought to be after twenty years.” She replied before finally throwing him against one of the flanking pillars of the staircase, the man-in-black firmly pinned under her sword and barely keeping the blade off of his neck. 

“There’s something… I ought to tell you…” The man-in-black choked, as he pushed with everything he had against the other’s sword.

“Tell me,” Robbie said flatly, pushing equally with everything she had. She may have liked the man, but she had a job to do. If she didn’t, Mari would not be pleased which meant no payment.

The man-in-black’s grin turned wicked, and a spark reignited in his gaze as his grip shifted on the handle of his sword. “I’m not left-handed either.” 

The man-in-black gave a huge thrust, sending Robbie stumbling back down the steps in a pile of limbs and cursing. When she finally landed at the foot of the crumbling staircase, she saw the man-in-black switch swords to his right hand before pointing it down at her accusingly. Silhouetted by the sunlight and clad in all black, Robbie couldn’t help but think she may be dueling a devil instead of a man.

“Draw your sword, Robbie Goodfellow,” the man-in-black sneered, giving her time to gather herself before the fight began anew, with each of them finally revealing their own true strength. The man-in-black was teasing her, that much Robbie could figure out, but still, she couldn’t help but grin at the prospect of seeing what this man was capable of. If she were to die, at least it would be against an opponent who truly out-classed her. 

They leapt at one another like charging bulls to lock swords. Within a few moves, Robbie could already see the end game; she was not going to come out of this in one piece. Every move she made, every counter attack she tried, she could still not manage to gain ground against this mysterious figure. The black devil was gaining ground and was going to make short work of her if nothing was done soon. 

“Who are you?” the young woman asked, tilting her head to the side in a curious manner.

The man smiled, his white teeth gleaming as he answered again with a coy tone, “No one of consequence.” 

“I must know,” Robbie admitted. 

“Get used to disappointment,” was all the man replied before deftly disarming Robbie and sending her father’s sword flying across the ruins and effectively ending their match. Robbie stumbled backward only to drop to her knees. She had given it all that she had and her body acknowledged that much. She was too tired to continue. As the man-in-black circled, she made one final plea.

“Kill me quickly.” She wheezed, closing her eyes as she braced for the final darkness that would be her death.

The man-in-black paused just behind her and examined his fallen adversary with a shocked expression at the woman’s ludicrous statement. “I would sooner destroy a stained-glass window than an artist like yourself.” Robbie released a sigh of relief, the coward in her happy to live when the man-in-black continued. “However, since I can't have you following me either-“ 

There was a sharp thunk as the hilt of the man-in-black’s sword connected with the top of Robbie’s skull, sending her into an ungraceful sprawl in the dirt from lack of consciousness. The man-in-black considered her for a moment longer, talking to the fainted woman as he sheathed his sword. “Please, understand, I hold you in the highest respect.” 

With his adversary taken care of, and no one left to follow him, the man-in-black turned on his heel and made an escape for the same hole in the ruins where Mari, Emery, and the captured princess had escaped to the Gilder countryside.


	5. Dream Of Large Women

A soft breeze blew through the valley, rustling the leaves of the scattered trees. The Guilder countryside was quiet, as the man-in-black ran across the valley from the Cliffs of Insanity. From the other side of the valley, Mari grabbed Emery’s tunic, the feeling of his tunic being tugged at pulling him to a stop. “_ Inconceivable _!” The mousy woman cried as she watched the man-in-black approach. She turned to the giant, “Give her to me,” she ordered, grabbing the princess’s wrist and pulling her towards herself, “Catch up with us quickly!”

“What do I do?” Emery replied, looking back at where the man-in-black had disappeared around a small hill.

“Finish him- _ Finish him_! Your way!” His employer cried, gesturing wildly.

“Oh good, my way. Thank you, Mari.” He paused and thought about what his employer meant by that, “Which way's my way?”

Mari turned back to face the larger man and gestured to the rocks and boulders scattered around the ridge of the valley they were standing in. “Pick up one of those rocks,” she pointed to a fairly large rock sitting near the giant’s feet, “get behind the boulder” then she pointed to one of the boulders behind him. “In a few minutes, the man in black will come running around the bend. The minute his _ head _ is in view,” she gestured to her own for emphasis, “ _ Hit It With The Rock _!”

Mari then dragged the princess away, leaving the giant alone. Emery watched the pair leave, before picking up the rock by his feet and sighing, “My way's not very sportsmanlike.”

The man-in-black carefully ran around the bend to the scattered boulders. Upon reaching the area he slowed and glanced around, making his way forward on wary feet. He didn’t make it far before a rock flew at him, just barely missing his head, and smashing into crumbled bits against the boulder to his left. He whipped to his right, sword in hand as Emery stepped from behind another boulder, a second rock in his hand.

“I did that on purpose.” He told the black-clad devil, “I didn't have to miss.”

“I believe you.” Came the seemingly calm reply, though it was clear that the man-in-black was a bit afraid, and if not afraid then very on guard. “So, what happens now?”

“We face each other as God intended” The giant replied, “...sportsmanlike. No tricks, no weapons, skill against skill alone.”

The man carefully processed Emery’s words, “You mean,” he said slowly, “you'll put down your rock and I'll put down my sword, and we'll try and kill each other like civilized people?”

A smile pulled at Emery’s lips as he lifted the rock in his hand, aiming for the man-in-black’s head, “I could kill you now.” he informed his opponent, who very well knew he wasn’t lying in that regard.

“Frankly,” the man-in-black stated, slowly lowering his sword and placing it on the ground, “I think the odds are slightly in your favor at hand fighting.” This made Emery chuckle a bit.

“It's not my fault being the biggest and the strongest,” Emery stated plainly, before shrugging. “I don't even exercise.” The rock in his hand was tossed away, and the men watched each other carefully, judging the way the other would react. The man-in-black made the first move, charging forward to slam his shoulder into Emery’s stomach, barely moving the giant. He tried a second and third time before slipping away from Emery, who seemed thoroughly unfazed.

“Look, are you just fiddling around with me or what?” The man-in-black asked a twinge annoyed.

“I just want you to feel you're doing well.” Emery told him with a small shrug, “I hate for people to die embarrassed.” He moved to grab at the man-in-black, who ducked and rolled beneath the giant’s legs, before quickly standing. “You’re quick!” Emery mused, turning to face him.

“And a good thing too,” the man-in-black replied, backing away a few steps as Emery advanced, the giant starting swinging at him.

“Why are you wearing a mask?” The man ducked away from a punch, “Were you burned by acid or something like that?” he once again ducked away before answering.

“Oh no, it's just they're terribly comfortable.” The man-in-black spoke as another punch came his way, “I think everyone'll be wearing them in the future.” he managed to get behind the giant, and climbed up him, locking his arms around Emery’s throat. The giant tried his best to swat the man off but was having a difficult time.

Eventually, he spoke up, “I just figured why you give me so much trouble.” he stumbled back, nearing one of the boulders as he continued to swat at the man-in-black like he was a bug flying too close to his ear. Emery backed up into one of the boulders, making the man-in-black groan in pain before answering.

“Why’s that,” he strained, “Do you think?”

“Well,” Emery was straining to speak as well, as he pushed away from the rock, still attempting to bat the man-in-black off him. “I haven't fought just one person for so long.” he grunted as the weight of the man pulled him, causing him to stumble in no planned direction, “I've been specializing in groups. Battling gangs for local charities, that kind of thing.” The man-in-black grunted as Emery stumbled backward and hit a second boulder.

As Emery attempted to push himself up from leaning against the boulder, the man spoke again, “Why should that make such a- oof! - difference?” he asked, getting slammed into the boulder a second time when Emery stumbled again. Finally, he managed to move away from the boulder.

“Well, you see,” Emery’s voice was incredibly strained, as the man-in-black had his arms wrapped around the giant’s neck, “You use different moves...when you’re fighting...half a dozen...people…” he tried to pull the man-in-black’s arms off his throat, but his vision was beginning to blur. Emery fell to one knee as he continued to speak, “..then when you only...have to be worried...about...one.” The giant hit the ground on his stomach, unconscious.

The man-in-black released his hold and rolled off Emery’s back onto the ground. With a fair amount of effort, he managed to turn the giant over, so he was laying on his back. The man-in-black leaned down and put his ear to Emery’s chest, checking for a heartbeat, and finding one. He pulled away and looked at the giant's face, resting a hand on his chest.

“I do not envy you the headache you will have when you awake.” He spoke to the unconscious man, “ but, in the meantime, rest well, and dream of large women.” He nodded once and pushed himself to his feet before moving to pick up his sword. The man-in-black sheathed his weapon before running around the other side of the bend after the princess and her remaining captor.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As the man-in-black followed close behind the princess, Prince Dean and a squadron of men stood at the top of the Cliffs of Insanity. The prince followed the imprints in the sand, recreating the steps of the duel that took place in the ruins.

“There was...a mighty duel. It ranged all over.” he stated as he roamed the ruins, “They were both masters.”

“Who won?” One of the riders asked, a man with dark hair and a beard, the king’s advisor, Oberon. “How did it end?”

The prince lifted his gaze from the boot prints in the sand, looking off in one direction. “The loser...ran off alone, and the winner…” he turned around and looked off towards the exit of the ruins, “followed those footprints, toward Gilder.”

“Shall we track them both?” Oberon asked, watching the prince as he turned to face them.

“The loser is nothing. Only the princess matters,” he said, his tone stern as he mounted his horse and took the reins. “Clearly this was all planned by warriors of Gilder.” Prince Dean announced to his men, “We must all be ready for whatever lies ahead.” the soldiers nodded and readied themselves to begin traveling again.

“Could this be a trap?” Oberon spoke softly, leaning towards the prince.

“I always think everything could be a trap…” Prince Dean told him plainly, “which is why I'm still alive.” he turned his horse and snapped the reins, sending the horse into a light run following the footprints out of the ruins.


	6. Iocane Powder

The man-in-black ran towards the two figures ahead of him, who were sitting on a pair of flat rocks, using a third larger flat rock as a table, on the opposite side of the table was yet another flat rock. He slowed to a stop about ten feet away from Mari and the princess. The latter’s hands were tied and a blindfold rested over her eyes, the former was leaning back in her seat a bit, a smirk painted across her face as she spoke.

“So, it is down to you, and it is down to me.” The man-in-black stepped forward and Mari pulled her knife from her belt, grabbing the princess’s arm. “If you wish her dead, by all means, keep moving forward.”

A coy smile pulled at the man’s lips, “Let me explain-”

“There’s nothing to explain” Mari interrupted, “You're trying to kidnap what I've rightfully stolen.” The man-in-black took a half step forward.

“Perhaps, an arrangement can be reached?”

“There will be no arrangement, and you're killing her.” Mari held the knife to the princess’s throat who sucked in a breath, clenching her fists. The man-in-black froze and after a moment of thought, replied.

“Well if there can be no arrangement, then we are at an impasse.”

“I'm afraid so.” Mari looked incredibly smug, “I can't compete with you physically,” the Sicilian woman gestured at him with the knife, “and you're no match for my brains.”

“You’re that smart?” the man-in-black struggled not to chuckle at her claim.

“Let me put it this way:” Mari had released her hold on the princess and was pointing at him with her empty hand, her elbow resting on the rock, “have you ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates?”

“Yes.”

“Morons.”

The man-in-black couldn’t help but smirk at that. “Really?” he asked, voice dripping with sarcasm and feigned shock. He thought for a moment looking down at his boots before he looked back up at her. “In that case, I challenge you to a battle of wits.”

Mari considered him for a moment, “For the princess?” the man-in-black nodded once and she smirked, squinting at him, “To the death?” once again, the man-in-black nodded. “I accept.”

“Good. Then pour the wine.” he moved forward and sat down across from Mari and the princess, as Mari put her knife away and moved a pair of glasses over in front of them, pouring a generous amount of wine into each glass. When she was finished, the man-in-black pulled out a small vial and uncorked it, holding it out to Mari. “Inhale this, but do not touch.” He then leaned forward a bit to allow her to inhale.

“I smell nothing.” She informed him, leaning away and crossing her arms.

“What you do not smell,” the man-in-black replied, pulling away, “Is called Iocane powder. It is odorless, tasteless, dissolves instantly in liquid, and is among the more deadly poisons known to man.” Mari hummed in acknowledgement and watched as he carefully lifted both glasses, and turned away from the Sicilian woman, hiding them from view. Several seconds passed before the man turned back around, moving his hands as if he didn’t know where he should place the glasses, before placing one in front of Mari and the other in front of himself.

“Alright,” he announced, dropping the vial onto the rock, and gesturing outwards. “Where is the poison? The battle of wits has begun,” he crossed his arms and pointed at Mari, “It ends when you decide and we both drink and find out who is right…and who is dead.”

Mari smirked at him, matching his posture. “But it's so simple.” She informed him, “All I have to do is divine from what I know of you:” she gestured to herself and then the man-in-black as she spoke, “are you the sort of man who would put the poison into his own goblet or his enemy’s?” Mari leaned forward to gesture to the glasses now. “Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what she was given. I am not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.” She then continued, pointing an accusing finger at the man-in-black, before gesturing at her own glass. “But you must have known I was not a great fool, you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.”

The man-in-black allowed her to carry on, watching with an amused expression, his arm resting on his knee as he leaned forward. “You've made your decision then?” He asked, sitting up and moving forward a bit.

“Not remotely.” Mari laughed, the man-in-black allowed her to continue, “Because Iocane comes from Australia, as everyone knows, and Australia is entirely peopled with criminals, and criminals are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.”

He shook his head, running her words over in his head to make sure he understood what she meant. “Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.”

“Wait Till I Get Going!” She laughed, and when the laughter faded she paused and looked at him, “Where was I?”

“Australia”

“Yes, Australia. And you must have suspected I would have known the powder's origin, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.”

The man-in-black raised an eyebrow under his mask, “You’re just stalling now.”

“You'd like to think that, wouldn't you?” Mari exclaimed, pointing an accusing finger at the man-in-black. “You've beaten my giant, which means you're exceptionally strong, so you could've put the poison in your own goblet, trusting on your strength to save you, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.” She took a breath before continuing, not allowing the man to speak. “But, you've also bested my Spaniard, which means you must have studied, and in studying you must have learned that man is mortal, so you would have put the poison as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me!”

The man-in-black smirked, his arms folded. “You're trying to trick me into giving away something. It won't work.”

“It Has Worked!” Mari cried, “You’ve Given Everything Away! I Know Where The Poison Is!”

“Then make your choice.”

“I will. And I choose-” she stopped and looked over the man-in-black’s shoulder, pointing. “What in the world can that be?”

“What? Where?” he asked, turning around and looking around behind him. While his back was turned, Mari leaned forward and quickly swapped the glasses, and pulled back, attempting not to giggle at her cleverness. “I don’t see anything.” The man-in-black said as he turned back to her.

“Well, I- I could have sworn I saw something.” Mari stammered, unable to stop the smirk pulling at her lips “No matter.”

“What's so funny?” the man-in-black inquired, leaning forward a bit. Mari waved a hand to dismiss the topic.

“I'll tell you in a minute. First, let's drink. Me from my glass, and you, from yours.” Mari moved forward and grabbed the glass in front of her, waiting as the man-in-black slowly moved forward to grab the glass in front of him. The pair raised their glasses before drinking from them, Mari emptying her glass while the man-in-black only drank a few sips.

“You guessed wrong.” The man informed Mari, smirking as he sat his glass down. Mari cackled.

“You only think I guessed wrong! That's what's so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned!” Mari gestured wildly as she spoke “Haha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well-known is this: never go in against a Sicilian when _death_ is on the line!!” She cackled for almost a full thirty seconds, the man-in-black simply smirking at her, his arms crossed until her laughter abruptly ended and she slumped over, dead.

The man-in-black watched her body lie motionless for several moments before getting up and moving to the princess, pulling her blindfold off and beginning to untie her hands. She looked at the man.

“Who are you?” She asked

“I'm no one to be trifled with.” He replied, finished untying her hands, “That is all you ever need know.”

“And to think,” the princess voiced, “all that time it was your cup that was poisoned.” The man-in-black looked up at her.

“They were both poisoned,” he corrected, standing up and pulling her to her feet. “I spent the last few years building up an immunity to Iocane powder.” With that, the man-in-black continued down the valley, dragging the princess behind him.

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Prince Dean observed the terrain, examining the boulders and the signs of battle, before turning to his men and mounting his horse. “Someone has beaten a giant.” The prince’s men prepared themselves to travel once more, “There will be great suffering in Gilder if she dies.” With that, the prince snapped the reins and ordered his horse to gallop, the soldiers following close behind.


	7. As You Wish

Princess Alicia and the man-in-black had been traveling for at least an hour when he finally stopped and allowed her to sit on a nearby boulder. They stood on a very steep hill that was littered with similar flat rocks and boulders to the one the princess was resting on now

“Catch your breath.” The man-in-black told her, crossing his arms and looking at their surroundings.

“If you'll release me,” Alicia spoke, “whatever you ask for ransom, you'll get it, I promise you!” This made the man-in-black laugh.

“And what is that worth, the promise of a woman?” He asked, turning to face her, his arms still crossed, a smirk on his face. “You're very funny, Highness.”

“I was giving you a chance.” The princess retorted, “It does not matter where you take me. There is no greater hunter than Prince Dean.” She sat up straight, glaring at him confidently. “He can track a falcon on a cloudy day. He can find you.”

“You think your dearest love will save you?”

“I never said he was my dearest love,” Alicia folded her hands neatly in her lap, confidence a bit shaken for a moment before she continued, “and yes, he will save me. That I know.”

The man-in-black walked closer to her, “You admit to me that you do not love your fiancé.” He sounded surprised, and she looked up at him.

“He knows I do not love him.” The princess answered before looking out over the hills. The man-in-black was scowling at her now, his eyes cold as he spoke just loud enough for her to hear.

“Are not capable of love is what you mean.”

His words had her on her feet, glaring at him. How dare he accuse her of such a thing. “I have loved more deeply than a killer like yourself could ever dream!” Alicia cried, and the man-in-black’s face contorted in anger, his gloved hand flying up, and almost

connecting with the side of her face. She flinched away from him and he lowered his arm pointing at her.

“That was a warning, Highness.” He told her coldly, “The next time my hand flies on its own, for where I come from, there are penalties when a woman lies.” He grabbed her hand and once again they were moving, the man-in-black dragging the princess along.

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As the pair continued across the hills, Prince Dean and his party had arrived at the makeshift table and chairs where Mari lay dead. The prince held the vial up to his nose and smelled it. He looked back at the others. “Iocane. I'd bet my life on it.”

He looked around before pointing off beyond Mari’s corpse, “And there are the princess's footprints. She's alive or was an hour ago. If she is otherwise when I find her, I shall be very put out.” 

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“Rest Highness.” The man-in-black told Alicia, allowing her to sit down once again. The pair were now on a grassy hilltop, a fallen tree behind the rock the princess rested on now, and just past that, a steep climb into a ravine. He turned his back on her, checking to see if they’d been followed.

“I know who you are.” She snapped at him, making him turn and face her, “Your cruelty reveals everything. You're the Dread Pirate Roberts, admit it!”

Roberts smirked at her, bowing as he answered, “With pride.” When he pulled himself from the bow he rested a hand on the hilt of his sword, the other resting on his hip. “What can I do for you?”

Alicia scowled at him, her voice cold, “You can die slowly, cut into a thousand pieces.” The princess spat, before turning her head away, she didn’t want to look at him.

“Tsk-tsk-tsk. Hardly complimentary, your Highness.” He raised an eyebrow under his mask, “Why loose your venom on me?”

She refused to look back at him as she answered softly, “You killed my love.”

“It’s possible. I kill a lot of people.” Roberts shrugged, walking past her to rest against the fallen tree. The princess turned away from him. “Who was this love of yours? Another prince like this one, ugly, rich, and scabby?” She rounded on him again.

“No. A farm boy. Poor. Poor and perfect. With eyes like the sea during a storm.” She looked off momentarily, remembering the man she loved, but quickly snapped from her thoughts to snap at him once more. “On the high seas, your ship attacked. And the Dread Pirate Roberts never takes prisoners.”

“I can't afford to make exceptions.” Roberts once again shrugged, “I mean once word leaks out that a pirate has gone soft, people begin to disobey you and it's nothing but work, work, work all the time.” He leaned back, resting his hands on the back of his head.

“You mock my pain!” Alicia cried, looking as if she wanted to strike him, and though her previous outburst had angered him, his reply was not made in anger, more like a hard truth.

“_Life is Pain Highness_.” He informed her, his face emotionless, “Anyone who says differently is selling something.” he sighed and pulled himself to his feet, pacing a bit. Roberts spoke again after a few moments, softer than before. “ I remember this farm boy of yours, I think. This would be what, five years ago?” He looked at Alicia, finding her back to him. “Does it bother you to hear?”

“Nothing you can say will upset me.” Alicia returned, not looking in his direction.

“He died well.” Roberts informed her, “That should please you. No bribe attempts or blubbering.” Roberts sighed, remembering that day. “He simply said, ‘Please...please, I need to live.’ It was the ‘please’ that caught my memory.” He glanced at the princess briefly before continuing. “I asked him what was so important for him here. ‘True Love’, he replied.”

Alicia felt tears sting her eyes as she heard Andi’s last moments recalled by the man who killed him. Roberts continued to speak. “And then he spoke of a girl of surpassing beauty and faithfulness. I can only assume he meant you.” Roberts crossed his arms and turned his back on her “You should bless me for destroying him before he found out what you really are.”

The princess rounded on him, “And what am I!?” She demanded to know. Roberts faced her.

“Faithfulness he talked of, Madame, your _ enduring _ faithfulness.” Roberts snapped, his tone as sharp as the blade on his hip. “Now tell me truly, when you found out he was gone, did you get engaged to your prince that same hour, or did you wait a whole week out of respect for the dead?”

Alicia was on her feet now, glaring at Roberts with disdain. This man had the gall to accuse her of not truly loving her precious Andi. This man dared to assume her feelings. _ Dared _to assume she didn’t grieve for her love every single day. It took everything she had not to burst into tears as she shouted at him. “You mocked me once. Never do it again! I _ died _ that day!” Her biting words didn’t seem to faze Roberts, but the distant sound of shouting called his attention. Roberts turned his back on her looking at the large rocky hill they’d previously been atop, where Prince Dean and his men were coming into view.

Alicia, not spotting the group, was only more enraged when Roberts turned away from her. Tears stung in her eyes as she stepped forward. “And you can die too for all I care!” She spat, shoving Roberts forward. He grunted as he was propelled headfirst down the steep drop into the ravine.

As Roberts tumbled down the hill his mask was pulled off, revealing pale blonde and pink hair. “As...you..wish!” he called out as he continued to roll painfully down the hill. Alicia’s eyes widened as she watched him, and she covered her mouth.

“Oh my sweet Andi, what have I done?” Alicia lifted her dress a bit and began to run down the hill after him, but the steepness of the hill caused her to fall, tumbling down after him. The pair rolled down the hillside and landed sprawled out a few feet apart on the ravine floor.

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From up on the previous hill Prince Dean glanced back at his men, “He disappeared.” The Prince observed, “He must have seen us closing in. It might account for his panicking into error. Unless I am wrong, and I am never wrong, they are headed dead into the fire swamp.” 

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In the ravine, Andi crawled over to Alicia, who was panting heavily. He moved hair out of her face, “Can you move at all?” He asked and she looked at him, a smile growing on her face.

“Move?” Alicia asked, “You're alive! If you want I can fly.” She reached up and wrapped her arms around him, pulling him into a tight embrace, which he returned. They remained this way for several moments before Andi spoke up.

“I told you I would always come for you.” Andi told her, pulling away to look into her eyes, his own eyes seemed full of hurt as he continued, “Why didn’t you wait for me?”

Alicia cupped his face in her hand and gently ran her thumb across his cheek, “Well…..” She started, and he frowned more, “I had no choice, my father passed away and I was alone. The Prince….he chose me to be his bride…I didn’t want to but…what else could I do? You were dead.”

“Death cannot stop true love,” Andi told her, brushing a few loose wisps of hair from her face, the look of unending love back in his stormy eyes. “All it can do is delay it for a while.

Alicia smiled softly and whispered, “I will never doubt again.”

“There will never be a need.” He replied in an equally soft tone, before leaning down and softly placing his lips to hers.

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“Aw, no.” The boy groaned, “No, please.”

“What is it? What's the matter?” His grandmother asked, looking up at him, keeping a finger on the place she’d been reading.

“They're kissing again.” He informed her with another groan, “Do we _ have _ to hear the kissing part?”

His grandmother chuckled softly, “You know, someday, you may not mind so much.” He rolled his eyes and picked up the plate his mother had brought in earlier, which had half a sandwich laying on it.

“Skip on to the fire swamp. That sounded good.”

"Oh," She laughed, "You're sick, I'll humor you. So where were we?" She ran her finger down the page, " Oh, yeah yeah yeah yeah." She settled herself back down in her seat. "Andi and Alicia raced along the ravine floor.

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At the base of the forest, they skidded to a halt, and Andi pointed up the large hill. "Ha! Your pig fiance is too late." He smirked, "A few more steps and we'll be safe in the fire swamp." He gave her hand a reassuring squeeze and began moving again.

"We'll never survive."

"Nonsense," Andi replied, "You're only saying that because no one ever has."


End file.
